该放下的始终要放下

决定了，这次不会再矛盾了，不会再犹豫了，我决定要放下了。。
经过那么多事情后，才发现原来我只会造成更多负担，更多麻烦，更多问题，哈哈。。
也许我的消失，事情会得到更好的解决方法。。
许多的回忆，只会深藏在心里。。。
再见了。。。十一年。。。

心碎了

从来没有试过这样的感觉，心好像碎到不能再碎了，仿佛在留着血，从来也没试过痛到睡不到觉，痛到想喊出来可是喊不出，眼泪会不由自主地流下，我承认我是个很懦弱的人，我很想坚强，可是面对她我跟本坚强不起来。。她对我真的很重要，可是现在却搞成这样，我真的很失败，见面好像陌生人，轻轻地微笑却让我心痛到不能再痛的地步。。

痛，几乎不能再用来形容我的感觉了。。比痛还要痛，比伤还要伤，一失足成千古恨。。我只能怨我自己，怨自己的幼稚，怨自己太白痴，怨自己搞砸一切，怨自己造成今天这样的地步，哈哈。。。我无话可说了。。。

很想放下一切不想再理了，可是我真的办不到，我实在太在乎她了。。
我还可以做什么。。。。。

矛盾的我

好久没写了，时间过得真快，很快就要考试了。。感觉上开学好像才过了一会儿。。这几个月过得算是精彩吧，十几年来从来没想过可以拥有这样的生活。。从一个像半个陌生人变成一个无所不谈的朋友。。真是超开心和幸福的。。虽然之间曾发生过一些不愉快的事件，但总的来说还算是快乐的。。哈哈。。每次回想起都会觉得很甜。。会不由自主的傻笑。。我真的不知道可以用什么字来形容那种喜悦。。每天早上打开眼睛第一样想的东西就是她。。她醒了吗？？还是她在干嘛？每天也盼望着电话会响。。期待着是那个搞笑的铃声。。她真的很特别。。老实说你问我为什么。。我真的不会答。。也许喜欢一个人也真的是盲目的吧。。十年来我都找不到答案。。哈哈。。也许这个世界上只有她一个可以让我这样吧。。可是有些事情是永远都改变不了的。。我也只能接受。。一开始真的很辛苦。。根本不知道要用什么心情和心态去面对。。但是现在我开始知道到底要怎样才能将那个伤害减到最低。。或许我已经成功一半了。。我也说过。。我会换一个方式去守护和去喜欢她。。也许这才是我能做的。。我真的尽我能力去改变我自己。。我真的不希望历史会重演。。有时候会真的觉得累了。。我到底是为了什么去改变自己。。我的人格真的那么有问题吗？？可是每当我想要放弃，想要逃避的时候。。可是我一想到她，就会有一股冲劲让我继续下去。。虽然我不是很成功。。也不能完全改变成她想要的那样。。可是我真的很想告诉她，我真的有在努力的改。。很多人会觉得我很傻。。为什么要为一个不是你的谁去勉强自己来改变自己。。答案可能是我太在乎她了吧。。有些时候我真的很气为什么当他已经拥有了却不会珍惜。。有些人就算期盼一辈子也都不可能得到。。可是回想一下，我哪里有资格啦。。我算是什么。。哈哈。。蚊子跟牛比。。没得比。。哈哈。。算了吧。。再想也没有用。。事实永远都不可能改变。。我现在能做的只是能做好自己的本份。。。珍惜目前所拥有的。。“不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有”我已经满足了。。

Do i exceed???

Haiz complicated feeling... I duno wat i doin nw is correct onot.. although it happened like wat i wan.. but i still feel like nt good like tat.. mayb dis kind of situation will last long or it will oso last for a short time.. i think i should appreciate it bah.. haiz..

I really duno la.. haiz.. actually i knw wat is happening nw and wat she thinking nw.. nw i can do de i think ny is always make her happy... thats wat i can do ny.. i sui enough la.. i dunwan destroy others ppl life.. haiz.. complicated complicated..

Someone can teach me wat to do?? Honestly i really dunwan dis kind of situation or feeling end so fast.. but would it happen soon?? i really duno..

If dis is a dreams.. i hope i won wake up... forever.. haiz..

Complicated feeling~

Today i received the information email from FrequenC.. Haha.. The result just like how i think.. Haha.. erm i think that is the best way and the best ending bah... I knw my weakness and i m ready to accept it.. Hehe.. I duno i will continue singing onot but i really feel greatful on everyone.. thx.. haha..

Finally got to sign up my tutorials class..

Haha.. the things i was worried all the time finally get to settle.. Thx to... I don't know whether i can announce his name or not.. but i really fell greatful on you.. thx buddy.. i owned you 1 time.. hehe... There still left psy105 tutorial class to sign up.. hope can get as the result that i want.. haha..
Besides that.. i hate to attend the pmg101 classes.. damn boring and that lecturer.. i was wonder how he can become a lecturer.. Sometimes really feel pity for him.. nobody likes him.. maybe it including me.. haiz.. Dropped me in a group that full of "stranger".. i wan my group member.. haiz..
MC100 oso stupid.. gave us a new "good" group member .. a guy that just know how to talk craps.. really enough with him and hope can transfer him as fast as possible.. haiz.. sad..

I hate gossips..

Gossips happened everywhere.. Even in the university.. Haiz.. How come humans are so busybody and creative?? Humans can think something that never happen in the real world.. Unfortunately.. I become the victim of gossips..

I really don't even know what had happen.. After i knew what happened.. It is funny.. Maybe i still can accept that I am the top3 (for some other reason) but.. Haiz.

Honestly gossips really harmless to me.. But gossips can make a normal friendship broken.. Maybe i think too much.. but today i saw her in front of kpd A.. She seems like avoiding me.. Seems like acting don't even know me.. Actually i understood why she has this kind of reaction.. It is normal and i never blame her.. But the feeling has change.. Because of those people's mouth.. Really funny..

Feel pity for her.. If she feels that this way wll be better for her.. i respect her decision.. And i hope those 3 8 peoples can shut their mouth from now on..