该放下的始终要放下

决定了，这次不会再矛盾了，不会再犹豫了，我决定要放下了。。
经过那么多事情后，才发现原来我只会造成更多负担，更多麻烦，更多问题，哈哈。。
也许我的消失，事情会得到更好的解决方法。。
许多的回忆，只会深藏在心里。。。
再见了。。。十一年。。。

心碎了

从来没有试过这样的感觉，心好像碎到不能再碎了，仿佛在留着血，从来也没试过痛到睡不到觉，痛到想喊出来可是喊不出，眼泪会不由自主地流下，我承认我是个很懦弱的人，我很想坚强，可是面对她我跟本坚强不起来。。她对我真的很重要，可是现在却搞成这样，我真的很失败，见面好像陌生人，轻轻地微笑却让我心痛到不能再痛的地步。。

痛，几乎不能再用来形容我的感觉了。。比痛还要痛，比伤还要伤，一失足成千古恨。。我只能怨我自己，怨自己的幼稚，怨自己太白痴，怨自己搞砸一切，怨自己造成今天这样的地步，哈哈。。。我无话可说了。。。

很想放下一切不想再理了，可是我真的办不到，我实在太在乎她了。。
我还可以做什么。。。。。

矛盾的我

好久没写了，时间过得真快，很快就要考试了。。感觉上开学好像才过了一会儿。。这几个月过得算是精彩吧，十几年来从来没想过可以拥有这样的生活。。从一个像半个陌生人变成一个无所不谈的朋友。。真是超开心和幸福的。。虽然之间曾发生过一些不愉快的事件，但总的来说还算是快乐的。。哈哈。。每次回想起都会觉得很甜。。会不由自主的傻笑。。我真的不知道可以用什么字来形容那种喜悦。。每天早上打开眼睛第一样想的东西就是她。。她醒了吗？？还是她在干嘛？每天也盼望着电话会响。。期待着是那个搞笑的铃声。。她真的很特别。。老实说你问我为什么。。我真的不会答。。也许喜欢一个人也真的是盲目的吧。。十年来我都找不到答案。。哈哈。。也许这个世界上只有她一个可以让我这样吧。。可是有些事情是永远都改变不了的。。我也只能接受。。一开始真的很辛苦。。根本不知道要用什么心情和心态去面对。。但是现在我开始知道到底要怎样才能将那个伤害减到最低。。或许我已经成功一半了。。我也说过。。我会换一个方式去守护和去喜欢她。。也许这才是我能做的。。我真的尽我能力去改变我自己。。我真的不希望历史会重演。。有时候会真的觉得累了。。我到底是为了什么去改变自己。。我的人格真的那么有问题吗？？可是每当我想要放弃，想要逃避的时候。。可是我一想到她，就会有一股冲劲让我继续下去。。虽然我不是很成功。。也不能完全改变成她想要的那样。。可是我真的很想告诉她，我真的有在努力的改。。很多人会觉得我很傻。。为什么要为一个不是你的谁去勉强自己来改变自己。。答案可能是我太在乎她了吧。。有些时候我真的很气为什么当他已经拥有了却不会珍惜。。有些人就算期盼一辈子也都不可能得到。。可是回想一下，我哪里有资格啦。。我算是什么。。哈哈。。蚊子跟牛比。。没得比。。哈哈。。算了吧。。再想也没有用。。事实永远都不可能改变。。我现在能做的只是能做好自己的本份。。。珍惜目前所拥有的。。“不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有”我已经满足了。。

Do i exceed???

Haiz complicated feeling... I duno wat i doin nw is correct onot.. although it happened like wat i wan.. but i still feel like nt good like tat.. mayb dis kind of situation will last long or it will oso last for a short time.. i think i should appreciate it bah.. haiz..

I really duno la.. haiz.. actually i knw wat is happening nw and wat she thinking nw.. nw i can do de i think ny is always make her happy... thats wat i can do ny.. i sui enough la.. i dunwan destroy others ppl life.. haiz.. complicated complicated..

Someone can teach me wat to do?? Honestly i really dunwan dis kind of situation or feeling end so fast.. but would it happen soon?? i really duno..

If dis is a dreams.. i hope i won wake up... forever.. haiz..

Complicated feeling~

Today i received the information email from FrequenC.. Haha.. The result just like how i think.. Haha.. erm i think that is the best way and the best ending bah... I knw my weakness and i m ready to accept it.. Hehe.. I duno i will continue singing onot but i really feel greatful on everyone.. thx.. haha..

Finally got to sign up my tutorials class..

Haha.. the things i was worried all the time finally get to settle.. Thx to... I don't know whether i can announce his name or not.. but i really fell greatful on you.. thx buddy.. i owned you 1 time.. hehe... There still left psy105 tutorial class to sign up.. hope can get as the result that i want.. haha..
Besides that.. i hate to attend the pmg101 classes.. damn boring and that lecturer.. i was wonder how he can become a lecturer.. Sometimes really feel pity for him.. nobody likes him.. maybe it including me.. haiz.. Dropped me in a group that full of "stranger".. i wan my group member.. haiz..
MC100 oso stupid.. gave us a new "good" group member .. a guy that just know how to talk craps.. really enough with him and hope can transfer him as fast as possible.. haiz.. sad..

I hate gossips..

Gossips happened everywhere.. Even in the university.. Haiz.. How come humans are so busybody and creative?? Humans can think something that never happen in the real world.. Unfortunately.. I become the victim of gossips..

I really don't even know what had happen.. After i knew what happened.. It is funny.. Maybe i still can accept that I am the top3 (for some other reason) but.. Haiz.

Honestly gossips really harmless to me.. But gossips can make a normal friendship broken.. Maybe i think too much.. but today i saw her in front of kpd A.. She seems like avoiding me.. Seems like acting don't even know me.. Actually i understood why she has this kind of reaction.. It is normal and i never blame her.. But the feeling has change.. Because of those people's mouth.. Really funny..

Feel pity for her.. If she feels that this way wll be better for her.. i respect her decision.. And i hope those 3 8 peoples can shut their mouth from now on..

Really can't understand how those childish people's thinking..

I was so angry when i heard that that 2 idiots just fooling around and made people worried for them.. Really ridiculous.. Childish.. Stupid.. Brainless.. They thought this very funny?? What are they thinking in their mind?? I really want to know.. How their's brain function.. Is their brain function like normal human??
It really funny.. I still acted stupid and sent a regard message to her.. Really stupid.. I won 't so stupid anymore.. I know it is not good if i think like that.. But I really hope one day i can see them crying.. Because of break up!!! Heh!!

Rainy day.. Shock news

Today is 4th September.. Friday.. It is raining now.. It spoiled my mood for going out.. I had planned to watch final destination.. And also planned going to redbox for a 4 hours karaoke marathon.. haha.. I tried twice.. and it was fun.. I love singing haha.. and some of my new friends as well.. Finally i have met some one that sharing the same hobby with me.. haha.. It was abit sad during last time.. And the most important thing is SHE love singing too.. Haha.. I guess next time i have reason to call her out.. Haha.. XD
Still can't get used to KL roads.. Still bluring.. Haha.. Today heard that kang shin and kah lai are in trouble.. Couple's problem.. haiz.. it sounds familiar.. Problems, problems and problems.. Fight Fight Fight.. Argue Argue Argue.. Non stop.. Maybe i will agree with what kang shin said.. Single is always the best.. and girl's problem really can make guys cant breathe for a single moment.. haiz.. Hopefully they can settle their problems in the best ways.. Good luck my friends..

Finally i made my mind clear.. I won't get confused anymore.. Something that should be let go long time ago.. That is no reason for me to continue anymore.. Maybe i am stupid.. and i have decided to wake up.. Life still goes on.. Gambateh..